Red Hot Desert
by Sleepyhead13
Summary: A new case brings back old enemies and Lisbon is walking on eggshells. Kidnapped, attacked, and stranded, can they take the heat of a Red Hot Desert?
1. Easy money

**Hey mentalistas! Here's the intro for my latest fic Red Hot Desert. Hope you enjoy! -Sleepy.**

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It was 8:30 am, and a door being slammed shut was was the most prominent noise in the CBI. Lisbon's door no doubt, she was late, and from past experience, this was usually not a good sign. Not for Jane anyway.

"Uh oh, grumpy's here." Jane whispered to the rest of the team.

"Really? How did you manage to piss her off already, she just got here!" Van Pelt hissed, equally as quiet.

Jane smiled, eyes still shut, laying on his beloved couch. "I'm flattered, Grace, but as much as I would love to be the cause of that poor door's abuse, I didn't do anything."

They all looked at each other knowingly. "Ten bucks says you did."

"I'm telling you Cho, I'm innocent." he shrugged with a smile.

"Well if you're so innocent then why don't you just make the bet?" Rigsby chimed in.

He raised his eyebrows in amusement, "Alright then, you're on, Cho."

Rigsby smirked at his little victory. "Ha, easy money, Bro."

And just as Jane was about to retort, it happened, the inevitable that is.

"JANE, my office, NOW!"

Vanpelt raised her brow at Jane, "...You were saying?" she deadpanned, but before he could respond she shoved a steaming hot cup of coffee in his hands and added "Here, this should prevent at least one injury."

Begrudgingly, he took the cup and handed Cho a ten, and a slightly poorer Jane made his way to his Boss's office.

The door was ajar so he stuck one arm through, coffee in hand, while the rest of his body took cover behind it .

"Don't shoot, it's me...wait, no, it's Grace!" he corrected, considering his predicament. (which apparently was not good).

She rolled her eyes, "My guns in my cabinet, Jane."

" And your stapler?" he asked, still hiding behind her door.

"Out of staples" she huffed. He then leaned his head inside and stated with a toothy grin, "That's never stopped you before."

She looked up from her paperwork just long enough to fix him with a glare, "So come in before I change my mind."

Whew, she was touchy today, "Alright woman, no need to fuss." He handed her the coffee and watched her instantly relax. She took a tentative sip, and then another.

"Tell VanPelt I said thank you."

He smiled, Grace had a tendency to go overboard with the sugar. "I will."

He took his place on her couch, crossed his legs and prepared for his biweekly lecture. He thought he had been behaving recently, well...for the most part anyway. Now that he thinks about it, there _may_ have been a slightmishap last week...

"You pissed off three CEO's in four hours, Jane."

Ok, so "slight" may have been an understatement. They're case last week involved the murder of a GreenCorp Executive. A company that created fuel out of organic resources. A company thats also had a lot of competition. So he poked a few big wigs to find the killer. Nothing a few lawsuits couldn't straighten out, surely.

"Meh, they were way too easily offended, Lisbon, terribly short tempers."

She looked at him incredulously, "You called one of them 'a self-absorbed, misogynist', and told him his greediness would run his company into the ground."

He waved it off, "So I had to rile them up a bit to weed out the killer, besides, everything I said was true, he deserved to be knocked down a few pegs, the old bag."

She sighed, "Jane, how many times do I have to tell you, you can't just insult people for a lead!" Even though he did, _all_ the time.

"Oh come now Lisbon, we solved the case, that's what counts."

She shook her head, they sounded like a broken record always having the same argument, "When are you gong to learn that the _way_ we solve a case is equally as important."

He made a face, "Well, I wouldn't say _equally..."_ which earned him an eye-roll from Lisbon. "Besides, I didn't even get punched in the nose this time, how mad can they really be?

"So because they barely managed not to cause you bodily harm, you consider this a win?"

He shrugged, "Well you have to admit, I've had worse days."

"No kidding, sometimes I feel like you _enjoy_ getting in trouble."

Jane smiled coyly, "Only by you, Lisbon."

She glared at him to hide her blush, then gave in, shook her head and sighed, "Just go, Jane."

That was unlike her to give up so fast, he thought. Their arguments, or as he liked to call them, their discussions, usually concluded with her making him apologize for his most recent stunt or at least making a compromise of some sort. But instead she was telling him to leave? He thought something was off when she showed up late to work, but now he was sure of it.

When he got up from his place on her couch, she assumed he was leaving, but instead he wandered over to her desk and took a seat. He sat back, folded his arms and tilted his head, just staring.

She held his glance as his eyes swept over her body and then back to her eyes. He was analyzing her and she knew it. He took in the slight slouch in her posture, the tiredness in her face and her overall irritated nature. She hadn't slept all night. Sure his antics usually got to her but not like this, she was stressed out and Jane wasn't the only reason.

He unfolded his arms, leaned over her desk and as if nothing had happened he asked, "Do you want to go get a bear claw?"

She narrowed her eyes at him, "What I want is for you to apologize to those CEOs."

As if_ that_ would ever happen, she thought defeatedly.

"Fine, I'll apologize to those greedy jerks as soon as you tell me what the real problem is."

_Crap, he knows. _"I thought we established that it's you."

"Very funny Lisbon, come on, we can talk about it at Marie's." He marched around to the front of her desk and grabbed her coat off of the hook behind her. She got up to protest but that only made it easier for him to put it on.

"I have work to do Jane, and besides I'd really rather not talk about it to be honest." She watched futilely as he scrambled to collect her purse, phone and keys.

He handed them to her expectantly, "You won't be able to concentrate anyway if you don't talk about it, Lisbon, you'll feel much better afterwards, I promise."

She gave him a look of disbelief.

"...And If you don't feel better," he continued, "you can punch me in the nose until you do."

She rolled her eyes and took her things. In Lisbon language, that meant yes. With a satisfied smirk he ushered her out the door and past the bullpen where he told the team that they would be back shortly. They watched with bemused expressions as the pair disappeared into the elevators.

Rigsby shook his head, "Figures he'd get a date out of it."

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**What's got Lisbon so stressed out? Chapter 2 will have more answers! Let me know what you think so far :)**

**Review Review Review!**


	2. Beating Around the Bush

Short and sweet, enjoy!

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" Mornin' lovelies, can I get you the usual?"

The waiter at Marie's recognized Jane and Lisbon as soon as they sat down. They had been regulars for almost five years now so she never bothered them with the menu. She had their order memorized, a blueberry muffin and tea for him and a coffee and bear-claw for her.

Jane greeted the familiar face with a warm smile,"Yes please."

"Coming right up, hun." And she disappeared back into the kitchen.

Lisbon looked up from the napkin she had been absent-mindedly fiddling with, "We could have talked in the office you know, I'm not very hungry."

"It's comfort food Lisbon, you don't have to be hungry, besides, you haven't eaten all morning." he said knowingly.

She raised a brow, ignoring the fact that he kept track of her eating habits, "I don't need comforting," she said in a matter-of-fact tone.

He gave her a look of disbelief.

"I don't ", she shrugged.

He half smirked and shook his head a little, it was endearing how bad of a liar she was. He nodded his head down towards her hands. "Your napkin begs to differ."

She looked down. What had previously been her a napkin, was now a pile of shredded paper. She had been slowly tearing it apart without realizing it. She gazed back up at him knowing she had been figured out.

Without a word he brushed the torn paper aside and replaced it with his own napkin, and looked at her sweetly.

_Always the gentleman, _she smiled.

The waiter had chosen that moment to arrive with their food, and Lisbon was grateful for the interruption.

"Thanks Betty."

"My pleasure, hun." She set their food in front of them, shot them both a quick smile and hurried off to take the next order.

Just when she thought Jane might drop the subject, he asks "So are you going to tell me that Bertram called or am I going to have to guess?

She rolled her eyes , of course he knew already. She doesn't bother asking how.

"Jane, If you knew this whole time, why did you want me to tell you?"

"Because it's good to vent," He shrugged. "Besides, I didn't _really_ know for sure, it was more of a hunch. Only two things in the world make you nervous, Lisbon, and that's high-risk cases and... being within 5 feet of a deer."

She blushed at the memory, "That was _one_ time."

He chuckled, "And since there are no deer in the immediate vicinity, Bertram must have assigned you something big."

She was about to take a bite of her bear claw to avoid the imminent question, but Jane thought better of it and swiped it from her plate first. The man was infuriating sometimes.

"So, what's the case about?" he pressed.

Lisbon sighed, "He told me to keep it on a need to know basis, Jane, i'm really not suppose to be telling anyone about it."

What Bertram had actually said was "Don't tell Jane," but she thought it was safer to paraphrase.

"Well then it's a good thing i'm not just anyone." He knew she would give in sooner or later.

She racked her brain for another excuse, "I... don't want to get you involved in something that doesn't concern you."

He titled his head in protest, "Of course it concerns me Lisbon,_ you_ concern me."

Well... that shut her up. She hated how easily he could maker her contradict herself. Leaning back in her chair she closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

"If I tell you all about it can I have my bear claw back?"

He took a bite just to see her glare before putting it back on her plate.

He grinned, this is why he took her to Marie's, bear claws had this power over Lisbon that he envied. (If only he knew)

He waited patiently as she contemplated how to begin.

"They're sending me out to Arizona for a few weeks, i'm going undercover."

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Exactly what kind of undercover mission is this? Let me know what you think! :)


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